Full speed ahead, Mr. Barkley

November 4th, 2009 by rebecca

Recently I wrote that I was no longer welcome in Holbrook. But it’s not my fault!

Driving up to Sydney, I had made a decision to not carry any junk food. On long trips we all know how it is, you pack a packet of lollies, and before you even get out of the car park, they are half gone. Instead my esky contained the following:

• Two bottles of water.
• Two cans of Pepsi Max (for the caffine)
• Some SPC fruit in a cups.

As you can see, not much.

I ended up not drinking one of the cans of pepsi, and the first one was only drank after my stop at Holbrook.

Holbrook is about half way on the trip, it’s the place that has a submarine on the main street, well actually two submarines, so you know before you even get out of the car, that the people here are a little different, so are their stores.

For the previous 100km, I had an urge for twiggy sticks. You know those processed meat products, that are a bit  on the savoury side. As I drove through Holbrook, I noticed the local supermarket, and thought this would be a good place to make a pit stop. This is when the fun started.

The store, like many had a front door, which is very convenient for business. I found the deli off to the left hand side, placed my order, and then went back to the front of the shop, where I noticed there was no check out. I looked around the store, and noticed a complete lack of anywhere to pay. Maybe I had been wrong about Holbrook, and having two submarines in your town turns it into some kind of Utopia, where processed meat products are free.

Not wanting to spend a night in a town that has had it’s fair share of Bushrangers in the past, I decided to search the store for a check out, and eventually one was found. It’s location towards the back of the store, on the right hand side, hidden behind rows of cereal boxes, I thought an unusual location. I paid for the food, walked though the check out, and noticed I was actually in a different shop. I admit, at this point I was a little bit perplexed, and turned around to check I had actually walked the right way. This is when the fun started.

The check out chick, who I think would have had had Ned Kelly as a baby sitter, said to me, “Yes dear, you are going the right way, right through that shop to exit”

I replied to her, “Ok, thanks, I just thought it was a strange set up, and didn’t want to end up in the wrong place.” And I started to walk away.

It was then that another woman in the store, whom I can only assume was the woman who use to baby sit Ned Kelly quipped to the check out chick “Oh they’re all the same these tourists, they have no idea.”

Being the person I am, I couldn’t let such a comment go unnoticed. So I had to reply with the best I could think of on the spot.

“My apologies for being confused by a store obviously designed by Escher. Logic would say to have the check out at the front of the store, but being the dimwitted tourist I am, I guess I will just have to by pass this town and never shop here again. I’ll also have to tell everyone I know to by pass the town, as the shops are just too confusing for those of us who want to spend money here. Goodbye.”

I left through the other store, which exited onto a different street to the one I was parked on, eventually found my car, got going, ignored the submarines, and kept on driving.

New South Wales is currently working on bypassing Holbrook, and I doubt I will ever find a need to use that town exit, despite a chance to see my face on a ‘WANTED’ poster there.

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