As bright as bright could be.

August 8th, 2009 by rebecca

In 1923, the late great Cyril Percy Callister, the only Australian who could ever possibly be considered for a sainthood (and damn well should be one), through is employer Frank Walker, introduced the greatest country in the world (Australia) to the greatest invention in the world, VEGEMITE.

During the last 86 years Vegemite has been the one thing that has stayed constant in the world. It is the greatest ever achievement by mankind, easily beating landing on the moon, the internet, cold beer, the television remote control, and the public holiday on Melbourne Cup day (Metro Melbourne only).

It is the universal passport of Australians the world wide. You could be hiking through the phlegm caves of upper Yackaback in snow bound Mongolia, but if you open a jar of Vegemite, Australians will swarm like kids at play-lunch towards a footy shouting “kick it to me!”

Which is why, now in 2009, all Australians, must rise as one, to demand a Royal Commission into the Kraft Food Company. We must take up arms to throw this company out of Australia, to rightfully claim back what is ours. The government should stop funding pensioners so it can afford to buy back Vegemite, after all, the oldies can eat free Vegemite when we buy it back. They wont mind, they’ve been through wars before, and understand the sacrifices that must be made from time to time. As a nation we cringe at people being unAustralian, now it is time to take a stance against those who are unVegemitian too!

For those of you who live on another planet, I’m talking about this crap that Kraft have released, under the guise of a different kind of Vegemite:

You can’t stuff around the the taste of Vegemite. Vegemite is Vegemite, this is just some crap in a jar. It has no right ot be labeled as a Vegemite version, no right to use the same shaped jar, no right to even be though of some some latte sipping, pony-tailed, Liberal voting, recumbent riding, sitting on a rug at the snow in front of a warm fire instead of going to the footy on the weekend, complete and utterly total WANKER!

Now before you comment, this is not the rant of some lactose intolerant bitch who is annoyed at not being able to eat this crap because of the dairy content. These are the words of a passionate Vegemite lover. If I am out of milk, I’ll put water on my cereal, but if there is no Vegemite, I’ll walk over red hot broken glass backwards to get some Vegemite.

Now if you will excuse me, I need to go write to Kraft to get them to actually release the Vegemite chewing gum they have in the advert for the new crap they have released.

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Posted in Pissed off, Propaganda |

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